what I wrote:
I think what I realized is I don’t like being alone for extended periods of time. Extended might not be the right word, but it’s unsettling staying in my room, so disconnected from everything around me.
I also don’t like the feeling of leaving “home”. It’s not that I no longer consider this place home, it just that college seems more like home to me. It’s sad to think about really. I don’t want to consider college my home because then the question arises, am I happier here than I was back at home? And I get to the point where I really miss my parents. Because I feel guilty that I prefer the company of others? Or that I’m not completely comfortable leaving yet?
Also, I just said goodbye to my mom because I may not see her tomorrow when I leave. I want to be with someone else right now. I don’t really care who. Just someone.
What I really wanted to say:
Sometimes the little things in life make you most happy. I don’t even want to post this publicly, so I’ll just keep it to myself (cause I know you’ll read it, apparently you’re one out of two people who remembers what I post).
I was listening to “The Boy with the Arab Strap” tonight and someone liked it (cause spotify has that stalking thing going on). Someone I was thinking about at the time. It completely lifted my spirits.
But the more and more I think about it, the absurdity of this situation really hits me. I miss someone I barely know (more like someone who I wanted to know). I hate liking a person but not knowing why.
I want to write this as a message to myself in the future. To document a point in my life where I am feeling a bit down, and to prove how insignificant it may truly mean to me in a near future.
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